ASK DESTINI: How to Get Your Kids to Share

“DESTINI, MY DAUGHTER THROWS A FIT ANYTIME SHE HAS TO SHARE WITH HER BROTHER. WHAT CAN I DO?”

Now this may be a bit radical, but I do not force my kids to share, nor do I recommend it. 

In most cases, forcing kids to share creates resentment that will result in more combative behaviors later on. So here are three tools I use to encourage my kids to share on their own. 

1. THE DUPLICATE 

Let’s not keep bumping our heads up against the wall. If both kids ALWAYS want the same doll... you should probably have two dolls, if that’s possible.  

2. CLEAR TURNS

You could say, “Take turns with your brother!” But a more effective phrase would be, “I see it’s your turn. How long would you like your turn to be?” 

And if they want a long turn that’s completely fine. When the second child inevitably struggles with the longer turn, it’s a great opportunity to teach them patience and help them work through it. 

3. THE SPECIAL THING

Even as adults, we have special things that we may not ever share with others.

Maybe for your teenager, that’s her cell phone. 

Maybe for your toddler, that’s a stuffed animal.

But if we’re being honest, kids love the word “mine.” They love feeling empowered. If they have something that genuinely is theirs – they may not be as forceful or aggressive with all the other possessions. Let them select a special thing! 

I hope this helps!

Destini Ann